Meet the local man behind the marriage vows

   Every Wednesday, couples pack the hallway outside the New Castle County Clerk of the Peace office. Some are dressed in jeans, some in sweats, some in uniform, many in business casual attire and quite a few in tuxedos and gowns of all colors.
    They’re all there to see the man in the black robe – the Hon. Kenneth Boulden.
Boulden, a resident of Middletown, has helped nearly 9,000 couples start their happily ever afters since 1997 as the elected NCC Clerk of the Peace.
    “I have the best job in the state of Delaware,” he said. “Everybody who walks through my door, for the most part, is in love. I have the privilege of celebrating what is one of the most important days of their lives with them. What’s not to like?”
    Delaware is the only state with the elected position of Clerk of the Peace – one in each county. The Justice of the Peace conducts civil ceremonies in each of the other 49 states. Boulden is the Senior Clerk of the Peace, as he has held the office longer than his downstate colleagues
    “When I hit No. 10,000, I’m going to write a book,” he said. “Every time I think I’ve seen it all, something else surprises me.”
    Boulden said the book will include stories about a bride whose water broke during the ceremony, grooms who walked out of their ceremony, brides who wouldn’t get out of the limo, grooms that lock themselves in the bathroom, brides nursing babies at the alter, grooms who refuse to kiss the bride and deaths during the ceremony.
“This is not your typical government office by any means,” he said.
    Boulden said he’s seen fights break out and people pass out during wedding ceremonies. He has rushed to hospitals to marry couples before a baby is born or when the bride or groom is about to pass away.
    But not all civil marriages are eventful. Many are just short, sweet and legal.
“I go over their names, put on the black robe and get them married so they can go on about their lives,” Boulden said.
    He said about 15 couples come to his office each Wednesday to tie the knot. That number increases in May, June, September and October, and he adds another day of weddings to his schedule.
    When he isn’t available, Chief Deputy Tom Coviello takes the ceremony reins.
    Boulden spends Tuesdays and Thursdays handling legislative issues in Dover, works on his office’s budget in the evenings and handles special requests on weekends.
    “We do a little something different every day,” he said. “This is not a 9 to 5.”
Languages barriers aren’t much of a barrier in Boulden’s office. He has the ceremony phonetically translated into several languages. Spanish is most common.
    “I’ve memorized it so well, families come up to me and go on and on in Spanish and can’t figure out why I have no idea what they’re talking about,” Boulden said.
    When people walk into his office for their marriage license, a staff member will sit down with the couple to go over a checklist of items that are available for their ceremony like if they want it broadcast over the Internet or recorded onto a DVD, if they want to borrow a boutonnière or adjustable rings, or if they want to write their own vows.
    “We try to personalize it to do whatever they want,” Boulden said. “This is their day and our job is to make it memorable. Hopefully it sets the tone for all their days to follow.”
    Boulden said he ran for the office after his predecessor and family friend, Rosalie Obara, became ill and left the position. The first wedding he officiated was for two of his friends who promised they would marry if he won the election. He said he was more nervous than the bride and groom.
    He once married 100 couples at simultaneously at Tubman-Garrett Riverfront Park in Wilmington as the clock struck midnight at the turn of the millennium.
    Boulden said he’s had many memorable ceremonies, but one of his favorites was between a couple who were forbidden to date when they were teenagers, had an affair when they were adults and then came across each other after they were widowed.
    “They decided at that moment they weren’t going to waste anymore of their lives and admitted they’d always loved each other,” Boulden said.
    He said couples come to his office for many different reasons. Some want something intimate.
    That’s exactly why Jill and John Potts were there.
    “We didn’t want a big wedding,” Jill said. “We wanted to do something small. It was nice.”
Other couples don’t want a religious ceremony, or they want an interfaith wedding. Others choose the Clerk of the Peace for financial reasons.
    “You can come to my office and get a marriage license for $30 and the ceremony for $30,” Boulden said. “For $60, you’re just as legal as the person who spends $60,000.”
    Such was the case with Thomas and Kathleen Mantyla.
    “It was inexpensive,” Kathleen said.
    “It was casual and funny,” Thomas said.
    It’s a common sight to see couples laughing before, during and after their ceremony when Boulden is the man who makes it official.
    He jokes with his audience with quips like, “What a good lookin’ family!” or with brides by saying things like, “If he changes his mind, I’ll marry you.”
    There is one small wedding room that accommodates about 12 guests and one large room for 30 guests, and occasionally Boulden gets a little mixed up.
    “José! Juanita!” he said as he opened the door to one wedding party. When he saw the confusion on the couple’s faces, he quickly spun around and walked back out.
    “Wrong room,” he said. “You just wing it. You just go with the flow.”
    Boulden finished the ceremony of Phillip Hurtt II and his bride Rolanda by telling the groom, “Go home and do as you’re told.”
    “It was awesome. He’s a comedian,” Phillip said. “He needs to be re-elected.”
    Boulden also knows when laughter is the last thing that’s needed during a wedding, such as when the bride or groom is ill. While the law requires couples to acquire their marriage license at least 24 hours before their wedding, Boulden has the authority to wave the time constraints in emergencies.
    He said he’s one of the first people to know when a deployment is announced because he receives many phone calls from the soldiers or their significant others looking for a quick wedding.
    “Sometimes the couple had a large wedding planned and realized the bride or groom won’t be here,” Boulden said. “We do whatever necessary to accommodate them before they go away.”
    Boulden also has a sense for when someone has reservations during a wedding, such as when a parent is re-marrying. He’s backed up an entire day so he could talk one boy through his worries.
    And he sees some of the couples again when they start the paperwork for an annulment or divorce. His office maintains and supplies all marriage records for NCC to government agencies.
    Boulden said he can usually tell which couples won’t last.
    “After doing this for so many years, I get a gut feeling,” he said. “Sometimes I’m wrong, but not that often.”
    Boulden said the divorce rate is currently dropping in Delaware and those who are getting divorced are staying married longer before they file.
    One trend he’s noticed is the marriage rate goes up and the divorce rate goes down while the country is in a difficult time, such as the current recession.
    “When times are hard, people need each other,” he said.
    Another trend is that 100,000 fewer couples get married each year.
    Boulden doesn’t counsel any of the couples he marries, but he does know the secret to a successful marriage.
    Every month, he sends letters and copies of marriage licenses to couples who are celebrating their 50th anniversary. Many of them write back to thank him.
    “Almost to the letter, every single one shares they’ve had problems and difficulties,” Boulden said, “but the one thing that got them through every single rough time was their ability to communicate with each other, to talk about whatever they’re dealing with – good, bad or difficult, but to never close off those channels of communication. They have taught me a valuable lesson.”