Like seemingly every past presidential candidate in U.S. history – except George Washington – Sen. John McCain has vowed to “shake up Washington.”
(George Washington refrained from promising to “shake up Washington” on the advice of his politically astute wife, Martha, who thought it would confuse voters if her husband appeared to be running against himself. George agreed and thus the phrase “inside the beltway” was born.)
But unlike previous candidates, McCain has an asset that actually may allow him to fulfill his promise: his running mate, Gov. Sarah Palin.
In an address last June, Palin referred to the Iraq War as a “task that is from God.” No big news there. God often informs his servants on Earth when he’s ready to wage war.
But another statement makes it clear that Palin has a much tighter relationship with the Almighty than even George W. Bush.
Speaking about the multi-billion dollar Alaskan natural-gas pipeline project, Palin said, “God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built” – the first public announcement of God’s official position on the project.
Discerning God’s will on energy issues, even big ones such as the pipeline, can be difficult, since the Bible offers little direct evidence about the Almighty’s agenda, though natural gas company theologians often cite the Second Letter of Peter as providing implicit support.
(Oddly enough, in what is something of a theological conundrum, Satan is also believed to support the pipeline project. While attempts to reach the Prince of Darkness were unsuccessful, sources familiar with the Evil One’s thinking say that Satan is “firmly committed” to the pipeline and is even offering help to make sure the project remains environmentally friendly – another instance of Satan’s “go green” initiative. Detractors point out, however, that he could be lying because, after all, he is the Devil.)
Palin’s announcement, however, suggests not a close reading of the Bible, but a direct revelation from God.
No wonder McCain had a gleam in his eye when he said that with Palin’s help he was going to change Washington and cut the size of the federal government. Unlike past presidents, he’ll be able to call on an ally even more powerful than the lobbyists.
For too long, Republicans and Democrats have been locked in bitter partisan battle, resulting in gridlock.
But gridlock would disappear under Palin’s rule. Pronouncing her Doctrine of Vice Presidential Infallibility, Palin would simply supply legislators with God’s agenda on everything from health care to offshore drilling. (The Almighty is believed to be heavily in favor of offshore drilling.)
Soon, of course, both Congress and the Supreme Court would become redundant, as would all policy-making bureaucrats. Only those federal employees needed to carry out Palin’s – or God’s – plans would be required.
The only question would be, how long will we persist in insulting Palin with the lowly title of vice president before we drop to our knees and proclaim her as our Sovereign Queen.
In that case, I think all of us would know God’s will.
Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send emails to dflood287@comcast.net.
(c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.
|
|
|
Like seemingly every past presidential candidate in U.S. history – except George Washington – Sen. John McCain has vowed to “shake up Washington.”
(George Washington refrained from promising to “shake up Washington” on the advice of his politically astute wife, Martha, who thought it would confuse voters if her husband appeared to be running against himself. George agreed and thus the phrase “inside the beltway” was born.)
But unlike previous candidates, McCain has an asset that actually may allow him to fulfill his promise: his running mate, Gov. Sarah Palin.
In an address last June, Palin referred to the Iraq War as a “task that is from God.” No big news there. God often informs his servants on Earth when he’s ready to wage war.
But another statement makes it clear that Palin has a much tighter relationship with the Almighty than even George W. Bush.
Speaking about the multi-billion dollar Alaskan natural-gas pipeline project, Palin said, “God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built” – the first public announcement of God’s official position on the project.
Discerning God’s will on energy issues, even big ones such as the pipeline, can be difficult, since the Bible offers little direct evidence about the Almighty’s agenda, though natural gas company theologians often cite the Second Letter of Peter as providing implicit support.
(Oddly enough, in what is something of a theological conundrum, Satan is also believed to support the pipeline project. While attempts to reach the Prince of Darkness were unsuccessful, sources familiar with the Evil One’s thinking say that Satan is “firmly committed” to the pipeline and is even offering help to make sure the project remains environmentally friendly – another instance of Satan’s “go green” initiative. Detractors point out, however, that he could be lying because, after all, he is the Devil.)
Palin’s announcement, however, suggests not a close reading of the Bible, but a direct revelation from God.
No wonder McCain had a gleam in his eye when he said that with Palin’s help he was going to change Washington and cut the size of the federal government. Unlike past presidents, he’ll be able to call on an ally even more powerful than the lobbyists.
For too long, Republicans and Democrats have been locked in bitter partisan battle, resulting in gridlock.
But gridlock would disappear under Palin’s rule. Pronouncing her Doctrine of Vice Presidential Infallibility, Palin would simply supply legislators with God’s agenda on everything from health care to offshore drilling. (The Almighty is believed to be heavily in favor of offshore drilling.)
Soon, of course, both Congress and the Supreme Court would become redundant, as would all policy-making bureaucrats. Only those federal employees needed to carry out Palin’s – or God’s – plans would be required.
The only question would be, how long will we persist in insulting Palin with the lowly title of vice president before we drop to our knees and proclaim her as our Sovereign Queen.
In that case, I think all of us would know God’s will.
Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send emails to dflood287@comcast.net.
(c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.
