A recent Associated Press article said some pilots are charging U.S. Airways with pressuring them to reduce fuel loads as a way to decrease weight and save money.
    I understand the need to economize but, on the whole, I prefer a plane with more fuel rather than less, especially if I happen to be in that plane while it’s flying:
    “This is your pilot speaking. In addition to the usual seatbelt warning we are recommending that passengers, as a precaution only, assume the crash position as we are now out of fuel and coming in for a non-powered landing. Please pay attention as the flight attendants lead us in the landing prayer.”
    The airlines are also taking pretty extreme measures to reduce weight, including removing movie players and replacing the glassware with plastic.
    Wow, that does sound serious. But if the airlines really need to cut weight and reduce costs, there’s much more that can be done. 
    Clothes – Who needs ‘em? Not airline passengers. We’re pretty much required to disrobe anyway. Clothes add five pounds per person, plus you can speed naked people through the security gates that much faster.
    (Some industry experts recommend that men middle-aged with excessive body hair be excused from the no-clothes rule, with guidelines to be drawn up by Department of Homeland Security officials.)
    Pre-flight weight loss – People undergoing colonoscopies routinely “clean themselves out” with laxatives prior to their procedures; there’s no reason airline passengers shouldn’t be subjected to this same regimen.
    (Bonus for travelers: They’d feel less guilty about vacation calorie bingers.)
    Add human power – Starting planes down the runway requires wasteful expenditures of fuel. And yet we continue to ignore the “free” power of passengers’ own legs, which could be easily harnessed with the addition of a few ropes to the front of the plane.
    Yes, some namby-pamby safety experts have brought up potential problems. Since passengers would be required to scamper up a ladder as the plane speeds down the runway, it’s possible that some of them could fall off or be stranded on the ladder as the plane became airborne.
    Airline officials, however, counter that these incidents would become rare as passengers became accustomed to their new responsibilities. They also point that those flying “ladder class” would enjoy the advantage of being the first passengers to deplane upon arrival at the final destination.
    Airport terminal extensions – Most airline passengers, while slogging through the seemingly endless airport terminals, have felt at one time or another that they could have saved time by walking to their destination.
    They are correct in this belief. In more cases than passengers realize the gates are so close to the final destination that the planes actually have no need to fly at all. The only reason airlines stage a “flight” is to sell tickets.
    But many airport terminals could be connected with terminals in other cities if both made moderate extensions. In cases where distance made actual connections impossible, passengers could be bused.
    The advantages of walking to your destination instead of flying are almost too numerous to mention: no security hassles, no delays, no lost luggage, etc. In fact, I think it’s the future of air travel.
    Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send emails to dflood287@comcast.net.
    (c) 2008 King Features Synd., Inc.