My wife and kids are very reluctant characters in my columns. I think most of the time they would prefer I stick to the Fiscal Cliff, or Mitt Romney's tax plan, and avoid disclosing embarrassing family secrets.
My wife and kids are very reluctant characters in my columns. I think most of the time they would prefer I stick to the Fiscal Cliff, or Mitt Romney's tax plan, and avoid disclosing embarrassing family secrets. (Like the one about how only four of the five-member Simon clan made it to midnight on New Year's Eve. Don't worry "Miss Sleepy-Head Livia," I won't mention who passed out early).
Anyway, the family knows that if I'm writing about the second Obama inaugural, the state's criminally negligent funding of public education, or obscure Thomas Jefferson trivia I've picked up by reading John Meacham's Pulitzer Prize winning biography of the third president, I'll never get around to mentioning how much work Leah needs to put in on her rebounding. (Darn it girl, it's about being aggressive and in the correct position when the missed shot comes off the boards.)
(Jefferson was a avid avid horticulturist, and Monticello could boast of magnificent vegetable gardens.)
My family has only a passing interest in politics, although it must be said, my wife is an elected official in Andover. After only one year in office, her stature has grown to such a degree, that she is now the chairperson of several town board committees. Of course, she is the only member of those committees, but c'mon, that's called power.
I knew Heather, a registered Democrat, was making some progress on the otherwise all-Republican town board, when -- after about ten months in office -- they finally stopped asking to see her birth certificate.
When Heather was elected to the town board in Andover, I was so proud that I called the governor's office to ask if Andrew Cuomo, a fellow Democrat, wouldn't mind sending her a congratulatory letter or even sharing a few words over the phone with her. The nice lady who answered my call said the governor was much too busy plotting with Republicans to take over the state Senate, to call a fellow party member and offer a few words of encouragement or thanks. Oh, the schizophrenic political life of our state's chief executive. Mario and Matilda must be so proud of their son, Christopher.
On a side note, Republicans like Sen. Cathy Young and Assemblyman Joe Giglio somehow did find the time to send Heather congratulatory letters, and Lt. Gov. Duffy said he would be glad to write her if we sent a self-addressed, stamped envelope to his office. Heather was so pleased with her letter from Assemblyman Giglio, that she has put off plans to challenge him for a couple more years.
Curiously, I have never seen the famous family lawmaker in action. The Andover board meets on the same night, and at the same time, as the Hornellsville Town Board. The Hornellsville Town Board is can't miss government. It would be just my luck, that the one meeting I skip in Hornellsville, will be the session where one of "Mad's Dog's" conspiracy theories finally make sense.
The Boy is finally starting to show some interest in current events, the president and the presidency. Lou has learned enough as a first-grade student to know that the White House is a pretty cool place and Barack Obama has a great job. Never mind being the head of state or having your finger on the nuclear button, the best part of being president, the Boy thinks, is having a bowling alley right in your house. Leave it to a 6-year-old to put in all in perspective.
Actually, I'm feeling a little gun shy about spouting off too much on controversial government issues. After my last column, which was a year in review piece about politics in 2012, a loyal reader from Arkport wrote me a nice note saying my brain must be the size of a lima bean. Or maybe it was a lemon seed? He told me I could probably use just a tad bit more education, which I don't think is going to go over too well with the Jesuits at Canisius who believe they gave me some first-rate schooling.
I knew after reading the note that I was dealing with a deep political thinker, because every time he mentioned the president, he would write "Adolph Hitler Obama." I am thinking about borrowing that style every time I write about Tom Brady.
What really hurt, is that he addressed the envelope to "Neal Simon, comedian."
Anyway, that correspondent has scared me off from ever again mentioning Donald Trump. He wrote that Trump has more brains in one of his body parts, I think it was his funny bone, than I'll ever have in my head. Which is sort of funny, because even though I am far from wealthy, I have never declared bankruptcy. Oh well, at least the writer didn't say, "You're fired!"
Neal Simon is Evening Tribune staff writer. He promises to write only kind words about Donald Trump and the Simon family in 2013.