First, I donít need to be kept in the loop about bodily functions. Not the quantity, not the quality and not the uniqueness.
Second, I am not a monkey. I am not turned on by men picking, scratching, burping or passing gas. I donít consider picking dirty socks off the coffee table, or an approach from behind when Iím loading the dishwasher, to be foreplay.
Cheryl, my husband is a slob. Oddly enough, heís a successful executive in the financial industry, and he has impeccable manners outside our home. Heís a great father and provider, and he has lots of friends and acquaintances. But the one person closest to him ó me ó is the one most turned off by him.
My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this year. They both still have a twinkle in their eye. I think it is because theyíve never gotten too familiar with each other in the bathroom. They take turns using the bathroom. They donít discuss money or family matters while one of them is sitting on the throne.
I would like to know what other readers think about this subject. ó Married to a Pig
Dear Married to a Pig: OK, Iíll ask them. Readers, is bathroom time a shared activity in your house, or one you prefer to keep private? And what effect do you think that dynamic has on your relationship and you sex life?
Dear Cheryl: My high-school sweetheart and I lost touch after we went to different colleges. I called him one day and a girl answered. She told me never to call back, that he was done with me. He was my first everything, and I was shattered. He was never far from my mind, but for many years I had no way to find him. But with technology came hope.
I found him online seven years ago. We emailed for a short time, and then he just stopped responding. He was married, and his wife was very insecure. He has since divorced her, and now we talk, text and email often.
Heís still the sweetheart I remember, but now heís all grown up. Weíve both been through some rough times, as has everyone in their mid-40s. I wonder if any other readers have reconnected with their high-school sweethearts. Also, do you have any advice for me? ó I Feel Like a School Girl
Dear IFLASG: My advice is to take it slow. Very, very slow. Heís not the sweetheart you remember. And youíre not the girl he remembers. He was a boy; now heís a man with a history. He has wounds and scar tissue, and heís had disappointments and losses like any man in his 40s.
If the relationship has any chance of making it, itís because youíll get to know each other. Youíll like ó and maybe love ó each other as you are now. Itís fun to talk about the past, but whatís important is who you are now and what you want in the future. Good luck, and let me know what happens.
Readers, have you reconnected with a lost love? What advice do you have for I Feel Like a School Girl?
ó Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, ďDear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.Ē